So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
