she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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