im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
