I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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