Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
