I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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