my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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