If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's rum buckets o'clock
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize