Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
