I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
