my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
