If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
