Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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