you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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