bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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