I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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