i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
