My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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