I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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