It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
