My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
