How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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