i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
