I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
