I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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