dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
