how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
