He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize