I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm bleeding and have questions
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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