How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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