I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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