That's when you crack a 10am beer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
