I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I love you. Go after that dick
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