im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
