Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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