do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
