I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize