I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
