i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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