How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
