Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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