Even the bartender felt bad for me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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