i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
