But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
