I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
