so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
