Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
