its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
