Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
