as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
