In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
