In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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