I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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