Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize