He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
