Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it glows. i had to have it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
