I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
