is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
