apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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