My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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