Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
