Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i will never coherently bang her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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