Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
