Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
