I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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