I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
