Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
