I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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