You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
