I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He did a backflip because drugs
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
