what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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