it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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