Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
