Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
